Showing posts with label Short Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Short Story. Show all posts

Sunday, 9 December 2018

SECOND CHANCE

Aditi sinked into her favorite couch. She had just put her kids to sleep, which was an achievement. The toddler is quite gregarious and bedtimes are not an easy affair. But now it was done, and she had some time to herself before sleep invites her into its arms. She scanned through the notifications on her phone, a quick glance at her whatsapp.  

There were updates from her youngest cousin. They conversed for a few minutes about his master’s thesis, and the upcoming campus interviews at his college. These conversations stirred something within her. Aditi had always been a good student at school. She did quite well in academics which came quite easy to her. She did very well in anything which required thinking, like public speaking, debates or quizzes. But she couldn’t say the same for college. While she had worked very hard to ensure entry to a good undergraduate school and program, she couldn’t keep up the good marks once there. Every year, her grade point came down. Aditi tried to recall why wasn’t she keen on doing well, as she had evidently done all her schooling. It is true that every one of her classmates was the best from schools all around. So competition was tough. And the program wasn’t really a cake walk like academics in school was. But the fact remains, that she didn’t give her best. She bunked classes for gossip sessions with friends, assignments done without much interest and submitted at the last moments, chilled out with friends at food and game outlets and just lived those years by. The low point of those years was an exam, where she was prepared with just half of the syllabus, knowing that would be enough to get qualifying marks. Aditi couldn’t remember any defining moment from those years. Neither did she remember them as being super fun times. In fact those years were tough because she was always fighting between being herself and a version which her friends liked. A midst all this, she didn’t pay much attention to studying. Not everyone was like her. Two of her closest friends never lost focus on their academics despite having a ball of a time.

Aditi sighed. She thought of her mentor at work and how he got her thinking about giving your best in everything you do. When he heard about her grades from graduate school he looked disappointed. It was as if he expected her to be at the top but found out otherwise. “But that grade puts you just about at the middle of your class”, he had said, shaking his head softly. She knew what he meant. At that point it hit her. She knew that she could have done so much better. Grade point didn't matter to her. She has a decent understanding of the world and has worked for long enough to know that grades do not matter much in real life. But, when you are a student, they are important. As a student your primary job is to learn. You are there to learn knowledge, critical and analytic thinking and trades which prepare you for the adult world. Whether or not, this learning is really useful in adult life is a different matter - something you do not know as a student and only realize in the adult working world. The thing is, if as a student your primary job is learning, and grade points are an indicator of how well you are doing your job, then a low grade point means you are not doing your job well. It is not really about intellect but rather about effort. It means you are not giving your best. And Aditi didn’t like that part. The fact that she didn’t give her best in her college days.

She is not the same now. Now she is very diligent with her tasks and takes her jobs very seriously. Of course when your major job involves take care and being responsible for the lives of two small and completely dependent human beings, there is no other way. But often at nights like this, when it is all quite and calm, she gets this desire to go back to college and learn. She often wishes she just pick up a program of her choice and go to college and be a student again. This time she wouldn’t waste the opportunity and would really do her best. She would study well, do some actually learning and make herself proud.

But is that really possible? Now that she has a job and a family to take care of, can she really indulge in being a student. Suppose she takes the plunge, would she be able to do really do well in her course? Back when she was a young girl, she didn’t have any responsibilities. But now, Aditi wondered, would it be possible to do well in her studies considering all the other important and primary responsibilities she has? Shaking her head, Aditi dragged herself out of the couch. These were all far fetched questions. All she wants is a second chance as being a college student and redoing that part of her life to her satisfaction. But that is just a dream. The reality she faces is an early night, so that she could get some rest and gear up for another busy day of office work, housework, kids and a zillion other things which every woman of her generation faces every day. By the time her head hits the pillow, she has already forgotten about college, having pushed it way way back of her mind. Second chance? Really? Huh.

Saturday, 17 September 2016

HOPE

The pen glittered in the sun. Shiny and smooth, it was just beautiful. Maithri could not take her eyes off it. The brown body perfectly accentuated by the golden cap and slightest of the bulge in the centre gave the pen a curve which looked classic and elegant. It sat snugly in Neha’s palms as she showed her latest possession. “Isn’t this beautiful?  My dad got me this pen from Mumbai. It writes beautifully. Let me show you” said Neha. She took out her notebook, and opened the cap of the pen to reveal the exquisite nib. Maithri had never seen a fountain pen with such a small and delicate nib, it was almost not there. But when Neha scribbled on her notebook, she saw that the pen was not really fragile. It was strong and smooth.

“Can I please write with it for a while” asked Maithri. Before Neha could answer, the bell announced the end of recess and their teacher flew into the room. Everyone rushed back to their benches and within seconds a respectful silence had set in the class of fifth grade. Maithri looked at best friend with the new pen and sighed.  Neha was the prettiest in the class with her marble white skin and shiny short hair. She also had the best of things - her bag, pencil box, shoes; even her school uniform looked classier than others. Everyone in class was jealous of her. Everyone, except Maithri.

Maithri and Neha were best friends. By looks there made quite the unlikely pair. Tall and dark, Maithri had unruly hair which had been tamed with oil and forced into a braid by her mother. The differences between the, ended there. Both of them were soft spoken, loved to read books and watch movies, an interest cultivated by their respective fathers. This ensured that they always had many things to talk about, unlike the other girls and boys of their age. Maithri was always happy in the company of Neha. Hence, she never felt jealous of the things Neha had. Up Till now; when that fated pen arrived.

Maithri couldn’t stop thinking about the pen. She looked down at her own plastic fountain pen. It suddenly looked ugly and fat with a hideous protrusion of nib. It didn’t very write well. It leaked and blotched and spewed ink all over her notebook. Her school insisted on use of fountain pens for fifth graders, and she had to wait for a couple of years to graduate to the more sophisticated ball point pen. ‘If I had a pen like Neha’s, I wouldn’t mind having to write with a fountain pen my whole life’ thought Maithri. Neha caught her looking at the pen again and again. ‘’Here why don’t you use my pen to write in this class” said Neha as she passed it on to Maithri. Maithri was ecstatic as she took that lovely thing in her hand and wrote a few words. The pen was not just pretty, it worked very well too. Writing with it was like gliding your hands on satin.

“It is a lovely pen. You are so lucky to have it” said Maithri, handing over the prized thing to Neha. As the school day progressed, Maithri became more and more quiet. She was working on strategies to convince her parents to get her a similar pen. She knew it wouldn’t be easy. She had learnt quite early that her parents could not afford to buy many things. She had everything which was required – school bag, uniform, shoes and a pen – but they had a sturdy quality to them –they would last for a really long time but are not really beautiful to look at, sometimes downright ugly.  She had learnt not to protest for luxurious or expensive things because it would make her father sad, and mother angry. But this pen was different. She wanted it badly, wanted it with all her might. As she walked on home, she revised on all her tactics to convince Mother; for it was she who made all the important decisions.

Mother was busy cleaning the house when Maithri reached home. The two room set where they lived was right next to a busy street. It was forever dusty, despite all Mother’s efforts to keep it clean. But it didn’t dissuade her, and she took on attacking the dirt with fresh gusto every day. Maithri often felt that Mother was obsessed with cleaning, but she dare not voice her thoughts on this matter. She also knew not to disturb her when she was at her obsession, she would wait for the right opportunity. In the evening, to please her, Maithri came back early from play and opened her school books to study. Mother was genuinely surprised. “This is the first time you have come back from your games, without me having to ask you to! I didn’t even have to push you to study! What is the matter? Is there a test tomorrow in school?” she asked with concern. “No Ma, I just wanted to prepare early for the upcoming examinations” said Maithri. Mother just nodded with a smile and went to the kitchen to make dinner.  Maithri followed her and stood at the door watching her for a few minutes. Then she said, “Ma, the pen I have leaks when I write. It spoils the paper and my hands and everything I touch. Can you please buy me a new pen?” Mother didn’t stop what she was doing, but said “Maithri, you just got a new pen last month after you broke the last one. Ask you father to check on it, if it has any fault. I am sure he will make it stop leaking.” Maithri knew that the first attempt will not work. Then she tried something else. “Father might make it stop spewing ink, but he cannot make it smoother. This pen is so rough; it is quite difficult for me to write. I have to write quickly in the tests, there is never enough time. How can I score good marks if my concentration is on the pen rather than the test?” said Maithri.

This time she caught Mother’s attention; but in the wrong way. “Young lady, do not make the excuse of a pen for your low scores. Students are marked on their answers, not on the pen they are using. What you need to do is practice writing with this pen at home. Go back to your books and copy down today’s entire class notes into your practice book” said Mother. Maithri was crestfallen. She didn’t expect this and was quite upset with the unexpected penalty. Not able to stop herself further she spurted, “Mother you have to see Neha’s new pen. It is just wonderful; it writes so smoothly, that I can finish an entire essay in half the time required. It is very strong too, will not be damaged like my pen if it falls down. That pen would last for years. Please get me this one pen, and I will never ask for anything else”. But her pleading had no effect on Mother. “Maithri, you know we cannot afford to buy things like Neha’s parents. We have talked about this quite enough; I do not want to go over it again. The pen you are talking about must cost hundreds. Your father is providing you everything you need. Do not ask for all this expensive things” said Mother sternly. Maithri gave up. She knew that there would be no more discussion on this matter, without her getting scolded. If she insisted again, there would be serious reprimands. She went back to her books miserably.

The next few days, Maithri was quiet. She didn’t speak much both at school and at home. All the time, she was brooding on how much she wanted that pen but couldn’t have it. She was also angry with Neha. If she hadn’t shown her the pen, Maithri wouldn’t have known the pain of not owning it. Neha enquired about her glumness several times, but couldn’t get an answer out of her. For Maithri was too proud to tell her the truth. She would rather not have the majestic pen than be pitied. So she went about her days dejected and alone, staying away from her best friend and her beautiful pen.

One morning in class, she was told that school was going to be closed the next day for Christmas. That’s when an idea formed in her head. She had read about Christmas and Santa Claus in many books and seen in the films on their black and white television. She was too young to understand what religion meant, but old enough to know that they didn’t celebrate Christmas. But it didn’t matter to her. The books said that Santa Claus always bought a gift to all the good children. All one had to do was write their wish down in a paper, put it in a stocking and hang it on the fireplace on Christmas Eve. Behold, the next morning, the gift would be sitting at the Christmas tree, all beautifully wrapped up and waiting to be opened with eager hands. This whole thing always fascinated her. But she never thought of giving it a try. Maybe it was because they didn’t celebrate Christmas, or had stockings or a fireplace to hang them on. Or maybe because she thought there was no Santa Claus, rather it was the parents who buy the gifts their children wished for. Or maybe because she had never wanted something so badly that she would hope. Hope that Santa Claus really existed and would get her that gift, which her parents couldn’t.

Deciding that the pen was worth the effort, Maithri came home from school that day and hunted for her father’s sock. “No stocking here, but a big sock should do” she mumbled to herself. Having found the perfect one; she hid it under her pillow and went about her chores quietly. That night, just before bedtime, she wrote down her wish for the pen, in the best writing she could. Carefully folding up the torn piece of notebook paper, she put it in the sock and placed it under her pillow. She went off to sleep easily that night; with a light heart filled with faith. That night she dreamt of talking to a huge man dressed in all red, with flowing white beard and a jingle in his step while he listened to her earnestly.

The next morning she woke up before Mother could call out to her. There was no Christmas tree in the house, so the gift she asked for must be in the sock itself. She pulled out the sock from under her pillow and thrust her hand inside eagerly. Her mind told her she was being silly; there wouldn’t be any pen there. Despite that, she was crushed to see that the sock was empty. She started to cry, not knowing why. Was it because there was no pen, or was it because she had hoped for a miracle and it didn’t happen? Father came rushing to comfort her, and Mother asked her the reason for her tears. But she didn’t answer. How could she tell them that she was upset that Santa Claus didn’t come and give her a gift? She was too old for that. Mother was getting angry with the delay being caused on a school day. So Maithri dried her tears and went to school. That day she stopped pining for that pen.

The next couple of months passed away quickly and the school year was coming to an end. Maithri tried be her usual self after the incident with the pen and Santa, though she was still sad. She also disliked not speaking to Neha and missed her very much in the days she had spent away from her. Deep inside she knew that there was no fault of Neha’s in this whole pen affair. So she was back with her best friend and wondered how she could ever have been angry with her. Neha not knowing what had disturbed Maithri those few days, was relieved to see Maithri becoming normal again. They both grew closer after that break, as if to make up for the lost time. With the advent of the final examinations, they studied together after school and spent a lot of time together.

On the day of the last test, Maithri skipped back home almost happy. She was free from the tyranny of studies and school for the whole of summer and she looked forward to two whole months of fun and play at her grandparent’s village. The only thing she would miss was Neha and times spent with her. But then they would have the whole of next school year for that. Maithri couldn’t get herself to worry about anything that day and went about humming to herself.

That night, she had visitors. Just after dinner, as Mother was clearing up the kitchen, there was a knock on their front door. Father opened the door and ushered in Neha and her father. As the parents exchanged their pleasantries over some tea, Neha looked at Maithri with very sad red rimmed eyes. Evidently she had been crying. She gave Maithri a beautifully wrapped box, tied up with a red ribbon forming a bow on the top. Maithri had never got a present so delightfully packed. She was lost in admiring it, and forgot to wonder about the reason behind the gift. Then, Neha told her the terrible fact. “My father has got transferred to Mumbai. We all have to move there. We are leaving early tomorrow morning so that I could attend the admission process in the school there.” said Neha trembling. Maithri was too shocked to give a response. When she didn’t give a response, Neha burst into tears. Her father gently steered her towards the door, saying good buy.  “I will miss you so much; we had such good times together. We will be friends for ever. We will write letters to each other. That is why I have given you this gift. This will remind you of me always” said Neha, while leaving.

Maithri still couldn't understand what had just happened. Neha had always been around for as long as she remembered. She couldn’t imagine times without her. Her mind couldn’t recognize school classes, and lunch times and books without Neha. She just stood there, trying to make sense of it all. Mother and Father knew she was very upset at the loss of her friend. Hence they tried to distract her. “What did Neha give you?” asked Mother pointing to the gift in her hands. Maithri sat on the bed while she gently unwrapped the box and took out the gift Neha had given her. It glittered even in the dull light of their home as it nestled in her palm. Tears streamed silently down her face as she ran a finger over the smoothness of the brown and gold. 



Wednesday, 13 May 2015

THE RIGHT CHOICE?

“And it would be great if she has an off beat job....not a routine one but one which involves going to nice exotic locations”, said Raj. Shailu laughed at him. There were discussing the kind of girls suitable for him. Though friends from childhood, they had never come upon this topic untill recently, when he had started to feel that he was old enough to get married. As he had no girlfriend, he had to rely on matrimonial sites to look for the person of his dreams. They were discussing the list of “requirements” in the girl while this particular one turned up. Raj added “ But most travel based jobs involve going to same drab locations and staying in bland hotels”. “ Of course not” She quipped. “What about those working in National Geographic?”. This time Raj laughed out loud. “ What are the chances of finding an Indian, that too a girl, working in the National Geographic?” 

Shailu remained silent. It triggered some very troubled emotions in her. She remembered something she had buried so deep inside her that she had forgotten about it. It was about how she had imagined her life should be when she was much younger. Shailu sighed, not bothering to reply to Raj....Soon she was lost in her thoughts. As a child she had loved reading and watching English films. They opened her to a new world, very different from where she was living. In that world people had higher goals in life – not just living for food, shelter and safety through bank deposits. Her father would add to her enthusiasm by telling her to aim higher, do different things in life. Every dinner conversations used to be about different professions she could follow, or places she could see or things she could do. 

As she grew into her teens midst this environment, a pattern emerged in her thinking. She noticed that she loved to read about nature, be in nature, specifically the wild. Slowly as she gained more and more knowledge about nature, she became passionate about it. She wanted to work on the conservation of the wild. That was what she wanted to dedicate her life to. But she didn’t want to be an activist or work with an NGO. She wanted to be in it, be a part of nature, while working towards it. But she was too young, didn’t know how could she go about it. One fine day she discovered the National Geographic. It was then that she became clear on how she could do her bit on conservation of nature, without being an activist. She became quite keen on joining it, wanting to make her career in it. She kept researching on it and dreaming about it. She got to know of other such big organizations which were doing great work in conservation of wild life, but she remained focused on NGC for quite some time.

Maybe it was the adventure of exploration, of venturing into the forests, observing life at its most basic…She couldn’t really make out what appealed to her about this life, but she was obsessed with it. She imagined a life full of travels to different places, spending days under the canopy of trees, nights in chilly deserts, sleeping in tents, coming back to civilization only to make reports, documentaries and buying supplies. It all looked incredibly romantic and novel to her. 

“Where and how did all that passion go?” – wondered Shailu. Did it all get buried under peer pressure and the need to succeed as people normally define? Today she is a well-qualified woman, working in a multinational organization. She lives in a modern city, has her own house, car and bank balance. She travels abroad for holidays. She has a loving husband, and two beautiful children. Everything which anyone wanted. But not she. She had always wanted something else -  a life of travel, adventure, new places and new things. Instead she had taken the well known path as everybody. She can never leave this path now or ever – due to her family. However, if she had chosen that other path – the one she wanted, she couldn’t have had this wonderful family..and the amazing luxury she was living in. How would that have been? Could she have lived that life? Wouldn’t she have felt lonely and incomplete without a family?...Was she really made out for the grueling life in wild...Phew….both sides had its boons and sacrifices. How does one choose? Especially when the chance presents itself at a tender age – when you are young and inexperienced. When you do not know the value of achievements, dreams or the need for love and support from a family….

“Where are you” quipped Raj. Shailu sighed and replied that she had to a meeting, ending that conversation. She was too lost in her thoughts to have a meaningful conversation about life partners. As she walked to get a cup of coffee, she kept pondering over her choice of life. She knew that she gave up her dreams to be a regular person – for family,comfort and money. Though she would be perennially looking for a bigger sense of purpose in her life, she is absolutely sure that she was on the right path. If she had chosen the other path, she would have missed this one badly!! She loved her family and home too much. But right now, the choice she had made didn’t trouble her as much as another question – Should she induce such dreams and thoughts in her children like her father did?  Should she encourage them to pursue their “different” dreams - knowing that life could be hard and lonely there, but more fulfilling and satisfying? Or should she tell them about the sacrifices one has to make to their dreams come true - which she never made? What picture should she paint for her beautiful children?