Aditi sinked into her favorite couch. She had just put her kids to sleep, which was an achievement. The toddler is quite gregarious and bedtimes are not an easy affair. But now it was done, and she had some time to herself before sleep invites her into its arms. She scanned through the notifications on her phone, a quick glance at her whatsapp.
There were updates from her youngest cousin. They conversed for a few minutes about his master’s thesis, and the upcoming campus interviews at his college. These conversations stirred something within her. Aditi had always been a good student at school. She did quite well in academics which came quite easy to her. She did very well in anything which required thinking, like public speaking, debates or quizzes. But she couldn’t say the same for college. While she had worked very hard to ensure entry to a good undergraduate school and program, she couldn’t keep up the good marks once there. Every year, her grade point came down. Aditi tried to recall why wasn’t she keen on doing well, as she had evidently done all her schooling. It is true that every one of her classmates was the best from schools all around. So competition was tough. And the program wasn’t really a cake walk like academics in school was. But the fact remains, that she didn’t give her best. She bunked classes for gossip sessions with friends, assignments done without much interest and submitted at the last moments, chilled out with friends at food and game outlets and just lived those years by. The low point of those years was an exam, where she was prepared with just half of the syllabus, knowing that would be enough to get qualifying marks. Aditi couldn’t remember any defining moment from those years. Neither did she remember them as being super fun times. In fact those years were tough because she was always fighting between being herself and a version which her friends liked. A midst all this, she didn’t pay much attention to studying. Not everyone was like her. Two of her closest friends never lost focus on their academics despite having a ball of a time.
Aditi sighed. She thought of her mentor at work and how he got her thinking about giving your best in everything you do. When he heard about her grades from graduate school he looked disappointed. It was as if he expected her to be at the top but found out otherwise. “But that grade puts you just about at the middle of your class”, he had said, shaking his head softly. She knew what he meant. At that point it hit her. She knew that she could have done so much better. Grade point didn't matter to her. She has a decent understanding of the world and has worked for long enough to know that grades do not matter much in real life. But, when you are a student, they are important. As a student your primary job is to learn. You are there to learn knowledge, critical and analytic thinking and trades which prepare you for the adult world. Whether or not, this learning is really useful in adult life is a different matter - something you do not know as a student and only realize in the adult working world. The thing is, if as a student your primary job is learning, and grade points are an indicator of how well you are doing your job, then a low grade point means you are not doing your job well. It is not really about intellect but rather about effort. It means you are not giving your best. And Aditi didn’t like that part. The fact that she didn’t give her best in her college days.
She is not the same now. Now she is very diligent with her tasks and takes her jobs very seriously. Of course when your major job involves take care and being responsible for the lives of two small and completely dependent human beings, there is no other way. But often at nights like this, when it is all quite and calm, she gets this desire to go back to college and learn. She often wishes she just pick up a program of her choice and go to college and be a student again. This time she wouldn’t waste the opportunity and would really do her best. She would study well, do some actually learning and make herself proud.
But is that really possible? Now that she has a job and a family to take care of, can she really indulge in being a student. Suppose she takes the plunge, would she be able to do really do well in her course? Back when she was a young girl, she didn’t have any responsibilities. But now, Aditi wondered, would it be possible to do well in her studies considering all the other important and primary responsibilities she has? Shaking her head, Aditi dragged herself out of the couch. These were all far fetched questions. All she wants is a second chance as being a college student and redoing that part of her life to her satisfaction. But that is just a dream. The reality she faces is an early night, so that she could get some rest and gear up for another busy day of office work, housework, kids and a zillion other things which every woman of her generation faces every day. By the time her head hits the pillow, she has already forgotten about college, having pushed it way way back of her mind. Second chance? Really? Huh.
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