Yesterday I got cheated by an online shopping site for 1100/-. I felt terrible about it. All the signs of it not being a genuine site were present. But I had chosen not to pay attention to them. There is always something to do or plan or think about. So most of the time, I am walking around doing things while my mind is on something else. Just like this incident. I didn’t listen to my own intuition which told me several times that there was something not right with this transaction. But I didn’t pay attention to it. I didn’t even want that item I ordered so badly! In fact, I shop online once or twice a year! I could come up with so many excuses to rationalize my action, but that isn’t going to mask the truth that I just wasn’t being careful.
This got me thinking, and wondering about all the
other mistakes I had done. Very few of them had been due to lack of information
or knowledge. Most of them had been due to carelessness. And carelessness is
nothing but not paying attention. I cannot even begin to count the number of
times I had told my daughters, to be careful. I have given examples and stories
and guidelines and scolded them a thousand times because they didn’t care and
something went wrong. Now I feel like a total hypocrite! So I am feeling doubly bad – I was careless in a
financial transaction, and I have been teaching something to the kids which I don’t
practice myself. Okay, I am not beating myself all over about this. I have
already forgiven myself for this. But every experience is an opportunity to
learn something and become a little better at living. So this post is about
that.
I have a feeling everyone lives like this. But just for the sake of not being a hypocrite (for my daughters) I need to change. How can I be more careful in the way I live? How do I be careful in everything I am doing? I do pay attention occasionally – when I am writing, or driving or helping the kids with their homework, or telling a story. But never am I completely there when I am cooking or walking or exercising or the zillion other things which fills my days. My mind is always busy with some thoughts. It is not quite, nor is it involved with the activity I am doing then. Is it because the activity is easy or monotonous or because I think I am so good at it that it doesn’t need my attention? This is normal right? A lot of our daily activities are automated. We don’t need to remember how to brush or wear our pants and all that. That is how we manage the sheer immense number of things we do in our modern life. But then sometimes incidents like this happen and I wonder if that is the best way to live? Maybe easier but is it really working?
Maybe this is what all the gurus and saints and people like J D Krishnamurti have been talking about – being in the moment. He talks so much about paying attention to everything happening around and within ourselves. Dan Millman in ‘Peaceful warrior’ said – there is always something happening, are we paying attention to it? If I was, I would still have my Rs1100/- and not feel like a fool. But the problem is, I do not know how to pay attention all the time. Lets look at my excuses:
Well I have no clue if the above excuses are genuine or just excuses, but I need to try doing this to see if these excuses are genuine when I actually get down to paying attention to what I do. Project AATT is on (Attention All The Time)!!! I will report after 1 week, of doing this.
Whom am I kidding? Do not expect any update for weeks
or months or never!
