MY PARENTS WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG!!!

When I was 10 years old, I often wished I had different parents. You see, I didn’t like mine. I felt they were too much of everything - too strict, scolded me too much and were too conventional. I didn’t like the routines and rules they followed in their lives and intended me to do it too. I often thought about how when I would have children, I would raise them differently. Some of my displeasure was also due to watching too many English movies where the parents are carefree, laughing and let the children do anything they want. Of course I was too young to know that movies mostly show what we want to see. Another contributing factor to my dislike of my parent’s ways was due to comparison with my friend’s parents. Yes, it is not just grownups who compare their children with others, it happens in the reverse order too. Ask any teenager J

Anyways, now that I have a child of my own – whose future I am responsible for, I see myself taking the same path as my parents. Not because that is the only parenting I have actually seen. Rather, it is because they were right all along. All through my childhood and teen years, my parents have been preparing me for now – a happy, independent and strong adult. Only, I didn’t know this then. As I look back now, I see how every step or action they have taken is helping me right now. Let me describe to you how.

The one thing I hated the most was doing household chores. My mother had me doing the dishes when I was 8 years old. Every day after lunch, I would trudge down to the washing area and clean the plates and bowls, all the while dreaming about watching tv or going out to play. If I would protest, I would get an earful from my mother. Her often repeated dialogue was “You don’t know anything, you will realize the value of this when you grow up”. By the time I was twelve years old, in addition to the dishes, I would sweep the house, chop vegetables and cook simple things like eggs. And mop the house in the weekends. Meanwhile my friends were off learning tennis and horse riding. How I hated the housework!! But little did I know that this practice would make my life easy as an adult. Today I can do everything around the house in a jiffy and it is not an effort at all. I never get the anxiety attack which most women experience when their maid takes a leave.  Why? I even got a compliment from a maid that I chop vegetables faster than her or anyone else she knows. Now that’s one compliment I am really proud of. Thank you mom.

I know we have help for all this now, and no one really cares about house work. But knowing how to make your own food and keeping the place you live in clean - these are essential life skills. Possession of these skills doesn’t get recognized but the lack of them is acutely felt. All the single men and women staying away from family would know what I am talking about. Mastering these skills takes away the mind space and stress taken up by these daily activities. Today I work in automode – these things do not take up my time, effort or energy.

Another thing I hated as a child was getting up early in the morning. My parents were early risers – they would wake me up, each for their own reasons. Mom would expect me to study; she believed that our mind is fresh in the morning and would absorb the most, compared to rest of the day. My dad would take me running and do yoga. You can imagine my feelings then. While my friends could sleep late, till 10-11 am during weekends, I would have to get up 6 everyday, if not earlier, irrespective of the day of the week. No late night movies for the reason that it wouldn’t help me get up in the morning. I find it funny that all those years I resented this the most, because now I find it the most effective way to start the day. Over many years and many trials on how to lead my day, I have found that the age old routine which my parents have been insisting was the best one for me. Today I get up at 5 am, do some yoga or walking, and get a major chunk of my work done before it is 9am. I find myself the most focused and productive in the morning. Well, frankly the motivating factor which pulls me out of bed every morning is the fact that I would get some quite time for myself before my toddler wakes up. The rest of the day is a whirlwind. But I feel wonderful because I already have done what I want in the morning. How the rest of the day goes – doesn’t effect me, my work or mood.

My parents live frugally. In the earlier days, it was out of necessity, but now they do it out of choice. In my childhood, I never had pocket money, had new clothes only couple of times a year and we never ate out. When I was younger it didn’t really bother me, but as I grew into my teens I didn’t like it. I had frequent fights and debates with my parents on this aspect. I wanted us to live freely, enjoy the money we had. I found it especially hard when I saw people less financially stable living more luxuriously. I revolted, took up summer jobs and blew that money in the way I wanted. They watched silently, knowing that while I have not learnt to spent money well, I had learnt what it means to earn it myself. My parents had taught me the value of money. I realize that my parents saw things differently from how we see things now. My dad has a simple formula – he felt that if we are not saving or investing at least 50% of our take home incomes, then we are living way above our means and are not financially sound. Today I couldn’t agree with him more. Living like that my parents have become financially independent enough, that they wouldn’t have to work another day the rest of their lives. More importantly, they have helped me learn to be financially sound. Right now, my family’s monthly expenses are less than half of what some of my friends pay as rent!! This gives us financial leeway to do a lot of things – investment, a loan free apartment, travel, etc. Thanks to my parents for this valuable lesson.

My parents rarely attended the Parents Teachers meetings when I was in school. They also rarely dropped me or picked me up from the bus stop to school after I entered my teens. I had to walk all the way – almost 3 km everyday. Even when it was dark. While most days I enjoyed this sense of being an adult and freedom, I hated it when I was tired. What I never realized was that they were making me independent. They were teaching me to be responsible for myself and how to be cautious. It is because of them that I learnt not be scared when alone. I have travelled to far off places alone, lived alone in a new city while I was single and working and am completely independent. Today I can never get lost or scared in any new place. I know how to get out of situations.

Oh! There are many other things I can go on and on about my parents influence on me as a person. My dad would always insist on me reading books and writing articles, essays etc. Of course I didn’t know then, that later on – writing would become my one creative outburst. This blog is mostly due to my father’s inspiration and persistence. In fact writing has also become my source of income over the past few years.

I cannot help smiling when I look at myself today. I am living my life in the way that my parents have been asking/teaching me to; the way that I hated as a child but now I find most fruitful, comfortable and wise. The rules and routines I despised then, now I embrace because they make my life easier and more meaningful. My parents always used to tell me to be independent. I thought they meant – work, earn, be financially independent. But what they actually meant was true independence – freedom from anxiety, dependence on people. They have given me self reliance and the ability to take care of myself and my family. They were so right. 

P.S.: Hey this doesn’t mean that I agree with them on other things. There are still a million things I argue with them about. Who knows as I become older (wiser?) I might see the value in what they say.